Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat?
Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health.
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Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.
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How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
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What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
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How do you put down a tenor saxophone?
Confuse it with a bass clarinet.
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What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument.
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What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
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What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain?
An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
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How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
Cut the noose.
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A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looked at the selections:
Flute Brains, $1/lb
Tuba Brains, $10/lb
Percussion Brains, $5/lb
Then he saw a sign that read:
Clarinet Brains, $100/lb
He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know hwow many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
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How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?
They don't know where to enter and what key to use.
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What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?
Vibrato.
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What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
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How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?
Put it in a clarinet case.
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How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet?
Miss a lot of notes...
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How do you know when a clarinetist has died?
The concertmaster moves them back a chair...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do call a line setup by clarinets?
A circle
These jokes by: http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id14.html
_____________________________________________________________________________
|
How many trumpets does it take to change a light bulb? Jokes found at: http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id16.html _______________________________________________________________ |
How do concert band flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
They ask their boyfriend to do it for them.
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What's the definition of a minor second?
Two flutists playing in unison.
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How many flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only 1, but she'll break 10 bulbs before she realizes they can't be pushed in.
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What key is the alto flute pitched in?
G-- I really don't care, either!!
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How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but she'll have to twist it back and forth for an hour to make sure she gets it just right.
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What's the difference between a flutist and a seamstress?
I seamstress tucks the frills.
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Piccolo Jokes
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How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
Shoot one.
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What is the range of a piccolo?
Oh, about twenty yards on a good day.
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What is the definition of perfect pitch in a piccolo?
When you throw it in the toilet and it doesn't hit the rim.
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How do you tune two piccolos?
You shoot them both.
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How many flutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one - she simply holds it up and the world revolves around her.
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What do you call a good flute section?
Impossible
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
A. When the engines stop, the whining continues
Jokes found at: http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id13.html
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Why is a dead snake in the road more tragic than a dead trombonist in the road?
1. The snake may have been on the way to a recording session.
2. There are skid marks in front of the snake.
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What do you call a guy who knows how to play a trombone and doesn't?
A gentleman.
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What did Captain Picard say when he entered a jazz club and saw a trombonist on stage?
"Computer: End program!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do 4 trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A good idea!
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How do you kow if there's a trombonist at your door?
The doorbell drags.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell that a kid on a playground is a trombonist's kid?
He can't swing and he complains about the slide.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Someone asks a trombonist: "What's the subdominant of F major?"
The trombonist is confused: "What??? I thought F major was the subdominant!"
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How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll spend half an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in.
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What kind of calender does a trombonist use for his gigs?
Year-at-a-Glance
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What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
1. Vibrato.
2. It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.
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How can you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
1. Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.
2. Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a trombonist with a beeper?
An optimist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
On or off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the best kind of trombone?
A broken one!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a trombonist with half a brain?
Gifted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you save a trombonist from drowning?
Take your foot off their head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
5: 1 to change it, and 4 to make ludicrous sexual comments.
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How many trombones does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he will do it too loudly.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the least used sentence in the English language?
"Look at that trombone player's Cadillac!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a trombone player in the street?
A beggar.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a frog driving a car and a trombonist driving a car?
The frog may be on his way to a gig.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the trombonist get on his IQ test?
Drool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does the trombonist say when he gets to his gig?
"You want fries with that?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You are driving down a street and your director and a trombone player are crossing the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first?
1. Your director. Business before pleasure!
2. Who cares?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do people play trombone?
Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many trombonists does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to hold onto the light bulb and four to sip whiskey until the room spins.
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Top Ten Reasons To Play The Trombone
10. It doubles the flow of testosterone
9. Chicks dig the big cases
8. It's shinny!!!
7. Works as a lightning rod
6. Tastes like chicken
5. Slides nicely when lubricated
4. Scare's away the neighbor's cat
3. Outblows any woodwind
2. No batteries necessary
1. It's the only instrument that doesn't suck
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What's so tragic about a minivan with 5 trombones in it, running off the side of a cliff?
You could have fit more trombones in it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a trombonist and a mouse?
The mouse actually gets some attention.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss even more notes.
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Q: How do you make a trombone sound better?
A: Run it over with a lawnmower.
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Q: What's the first position a trombonist learns?
A: Head cocked, arm above it, finger scratching scalp.
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Q: What's the difference between a trombone section and a saxaphone section?
A: The Trombone's weren't meant to sound like 2 cats in afight, but they do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many trombone players does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him really thin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
how do you make a trombone player drive faster?
Take the pizza sign off the top of his car.
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Why did the trombone player cross the expressway during rush hour?
Good question.
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A guy walks up to the band director and inquires about joining the band. The director says,"Sure, you can join the trombone section." The guy replies, "But I don't play the trombone." "Well," the director replies "Neither does anyone in our trombone section!!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A trombone player walks past a bar.
Could have fooled me!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you say to a trombonist who is wearing a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many trombonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but it's the only thing they won't screw.
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How many lessons does it take to teach a beginner trombone player to play a note?
Answer: Two, One to learn how to put it together and the second lesson to learn how to blow into it.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A tattoo.
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How many trumpeters does it take to change a lightbulb?
4: One to screw it in, three to say how much better they could have done it.
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Why are trombones the best lovers?
Trumpets do it with three fingers, baritones do it with four, and trombones do it in seven positions!
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how many trombone players does it take to tile a floor?
one, if you slice him thinly enough!
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What do the letters pp mean to a trombone player?
1. An opportunity for an improvised solo.
2. A polite reminder that he has been playing too loud for the past 5 minutes.
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How do you get a trombone player to play slower?
Put a page of music in front of him.
How do you get him to stop completely?
Put notes on the page.
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What's the difference between a weed-eater and a trombone?
Your neighbor will get angry if you don't return the weed-eater.
Jokes found at: http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id17.html
_______________________________________________________
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Why don't sax players like playing soprano?
There's no place to hide your drugs,
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between Kenny G and a machine gun?
The machine gun repeats only 10 times per second.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kenny G gets on an elevator and says "Wow! This rocks!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the lead alto player play so many wrong notes?
Because he kept ignoring the key signature-- he thought it was a suggestion.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to do it, and four to comment on how David Sanborn would have done it.
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How many C melody sax players can you fit into a phone booth?
All of them.
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If lost in the woods, who di you ask for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out-of-tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate that you're hallucinating.
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What's the difference between a lawnmower and a tenor sax?
1. Lawnmowers sound better in small ensembles.
2. You can tune a lawnmower.
3. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
4. The grip.
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What's the difference between the creationist theory of the origin of life and a tenor sax?
The theory doesn't have as many leaks.
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What's the difference between a bari-sax and a chain saw?
1. Vibrato.
2. The exhaust.
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You may be a redneck saxophonist if...
...you have an old bass sax up on blocks in your front yard.
...you spell it "saxaphone."
...you think the bell of your instrument is a great place to hold a longneck during a gig.
...the gun rack in your pickup truck holds a couple of old Buesher sopranos.
...you think that Boots Randolph is the greatest Jazz musician who ever lived.
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What do a saxophone and a baseball bat have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
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What are trumpets made out of?
Leftover saxaphone parts.
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You are in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and Kenny G. You have a gun but only two bullets. What do you do?
Shoot Kenny G twice... just to make sure.
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What is the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
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What were the saxophone player's grades?
Below C level.
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What's the difference between a saxophonist and a gentleman?
A gentleman knows how to play but doesn't.
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What is the best recording of the Creston Saxophone Sonata?
Music Minus One.
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How do you define a perfect pitch?
Throwing an alto sax in a toilet from 20 feet with out hitting the rim
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There is a man on a boat that is in a shipwreck. The boat crashes on a jungle island and the man is greeted by natives. In the distance, he hears the sound of drums. He asks what the drums are for and the chief answers, "The drums must not stop." The man is forced to stay the night in the natives village. All through the night, the drums keep on going so he got no sleep at all during the night. He got up in the morning and went to the chief again, begging him to know why the drums couldn't stop. The chief answered, "Because, when drum solo stop, sax solo start."
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What's the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
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Q: How can you tell if a saxophonist is intelligent?
A: He can understand a fingering chart except for L.th and R th.
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Q: What do you call a saxophonist who plays mostly 1/64 notes?
A: A ballad-specialist.
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Q: What does a saxophone-player do when he´s offered a blow job?
A: Asks the girl where the gig is and insists on bringing his own rythm section.
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Q: Why did Adolph Sax invent the saxophone?
A: He hated mankind but couldn´t build a atom-bomb.
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The reason why so many weird noises comes out of the business end of saxophones is that Mr Sax never issued any instructions on how to use them. Contrary to popular belief the saxophones are percussion-instruments and meant to be beaten by hammers.
Large hammers.
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When should a saxophonist change his reed?
A: Whenever a difficult section comes up in the music score.
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Which is the ideal place to practise on a tenor-saxophone?
A: In Saddam Husseins bedroom.
B: Five fathoms under the surface of the Pacific Ocean.
C: In a deserted coal mine.
D: None of the above.
Correct answer: D: None of the above. A saxophone-player never, but never practises. The risk of learning to play is too great.
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What is Black and Brown and looks good on a saxophonist?
A Doberman
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What's the difference between a saxophonist and a lawnmower?
A lawnmower cuts grass; a sax player smokes it
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What do you call a thousand saxophones at the bottom of the ocean?
Answer: A good start!
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How many baritone sax players does it take to pop popcorn?
Two - one to hold the popper and one to shake the stove.
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How many tenor sax players does it take to change a flat tire?
Four - one to change the tire, one to work the jack, and the other two to contemplate on how John Coltrane would have done it.
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Here's a good way to finally get rid of Saddam Hussein.......Go to Bagdad and play an hour of out-of-tune soprano sax solos for him!
Jokes found at: http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id15.html
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What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
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Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves during the parade.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
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What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
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Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
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How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
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What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
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Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
He had to break a window to get the drummer out!
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We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor.
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Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums.
One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"
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A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"
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Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So they don't have to retrain the drummers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
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I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"...
He said, "the river or the state?"
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How do you know if a drummer's platform is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth.
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How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?
They put drumsticks on the dash.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two drummers walk into a bar, which is actually kind of funny, because you would think that the second guy would have seen the first one do it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the drummer who got into college?
No.
Neither did I.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's foot pads?
Dr. Scholl's foot pads buck up the feet.
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After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question for you), the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
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Como saber si hay un baterista en la puerta?
Porque no sabe cuando entrar.
In English: How do you know there's a drummer at the door?
Because he doesn't know when to enter.
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A man died and soon after, went to Heaven. He discovered Heaven was an endless hallway with doors to the left and right. On the door was your I.Q. number. He went to door 160, and found the people there talking about quantum physics. He slammed the door and went to door 120. He found the people there trying to figure out as many decimal places of pi that they could. He shut the door and went to 80. He found the people in there talking about lastnight's Packer game. He thought to himself, "I'll come back to this one later," and shut the door. He walked all the way down to 16, and found the people in there talking about Sunday's episode of "King of the Hill." He shut the door, and went to door 7. He foung the people in there drooling on each other. Lastly, he went to door 3. He opened the door and heard one of the people say, "My sticks were Zildjian, what were yours?"
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One day a drummer sick of all of the "stupid drummer" jokes decided to change instruments. So he went to the local music store and said that he wanted to learn a new instrument. The store owner cheerfully replied ok and asked what he would be interested in playing. After looking around the shop he said I'll try those things over there, pointing to the accordion section.
After looking through the accordions from over an hour the shop keeper said, "Have you found what you looking for?"
The drummer replied, "Yes, I'll take that big red one over there."
The store keeper smiled and and stared laughing. When the drummer asked why he was laughing the store keeper replied, "Are you a drummer, son?"
"Yeah!" replied the drummer.
"Well that big red thing is a radiator"
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What is the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A drum machine can keep a steady beat and won't steal your girlfriend!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many drummers does it take to wallpaper a room?
Three, if you slice them thin enough!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one; he holds it and the world revolves around him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
A: They both suck without Cream.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why are drummers always losing their watches?
A: Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a drummer who's lost his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
A: The poster child for Birth Control.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a bunch of kids with drums?
A: Jerry's Kids.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you call a drummer?
A: You can't. They don't pay their phone bill.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What should you call a drummer?
A: It doesn't matter. They won't listen anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you confuse a drummer?
A: Give him a piece of sheet music.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
A: Mildly retarded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the best protection the Secret Service could have against a Presidential assassination?
A: Make a drummer the Vice-President.
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Q: What do you call 10 drummers sitting in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do drummers have lots of kids?
A: They're terrible at the rhythm method.
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A man was looking for a new brain. He went to a brain surgen and told him of his problem. The surgen said, " I only have three brains left." The man said, " Well what's the cheapest?" The surgen said, " I have a doctor's brain for cheap." The man said," We'll that's great, what else do you have?" The surgen said, " I also have the brain of a rocket scientist, but that's just a little more pricy." The man replied, " Wow if you have the brain of a rocket scientist, the last one must be really smart." The surgen said, " The most expensive one I have, is a dummer's brain." The man said, " Why is a drummer's brain so expensive?" The surgen replied, " We'll because it's never been used before."
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What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:100: 1 to hold the light bulb and 99 to drink until the room spins.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Did you ever hear about the drummer who finished high school?
No.
A. Me neither!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
how can you get a drummer off your porch?
pay for the pizza!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So this guy goes into a store walks up to the counter and says "I'd like a Mashall HiWatt 360 watt ampflicator and a fender Geetar with the fried rose tremolo-
The guy stops him right there and says "You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Uh, yeah. You did you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
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Q. How do you know when a drummers outside your door?
A. The knock gets faster.
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A drummer dies and goes to heaven. Outside the Pearly gates he's talking to St. Peter about the band.
"Who" askes the drummer "do you have playing here?".
"Everybody" says St. Peter, "We've got Billie Holliday, Ella and Bessie Smith sharing vocals, Duke Ellington and Count Basie on piano, the saxes you just wouldn't believe'"
"So," askes the drummer, "who leads the band?"
St. Peter waits just a second before answering and replys, "Well, it's God of course, but occaisionally he thinks He's John Dankworth".
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Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?
--So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q#2: How can you make that drummer stop?
A: Put notes on it!
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Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
--So they can park in the handicapped spot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a drun line playing together and shoes in a dryer?
Nothing
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get an elephant out of a 40 foot hole?
Lower a drummer into the hole and gross him out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?
homeless.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a drummer to leave your house?
Pay for the pizza!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:How many drummers can you fit in a phone booth?
A: None, "There's not enough room in there man!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
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"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
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An amateur drummer dies and goes to heaven. While he is waiting outside the pearly gates, he hears some incredibly fast drumming coming from within heaven. He immediately recognizes the playing, and asks St. Peter if that really is Buddy Rich playing drums in heaven. St. Peter responds:
"No, that's G-d. He just thinks that he's Buddy Rich."
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Two drummers walk into a bar...
which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.
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A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
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Q: What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A: Farfromthinken
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To get this joke, you probably have to know about the legendary unpopularity of Buddy Rich amongst his band...
A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumour that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"
Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.
A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"
"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.
Ten minuted later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.
She recognised his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.
Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.
Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D. DEAD. Why do you keep ringing me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"
He thought for a moment, and said: "I just love hearing you say it."
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Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
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Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!
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Two girls are walking along when they hear...
"Psst! Down here!"
They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.
The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"
The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!!!"
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What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
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If you're in a Ginger bashing mood, here's another
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
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A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
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A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
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Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only after asking "Why?"
("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?")
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Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
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What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
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(Hmmm... that inspires a turnaround variation...)
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
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If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.
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What is the difference between a chiropodist and Ginger Baker?
A chiropodist bucks up your feet!!
(with apologies to Ginger Baker fans, ... and those that needed to reach for the dictionary for that one)
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What do you call a drummer with more than one brain cell?
Pregnant.
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there is a bar with a bunch of drummers in it and they are all yelling "51 days, 51 days!" and more and more keep coming in, they are all ordering drinks and yelling "51 days! 51 days!" the bartender has a puzzled look on his face as more and more come into the bar and order more and more drinks and chant and chant. finally, the bartender asks one of the drummers why they are all celebrating and chanting"51 days! 51 days!" the drummer answers with, "well, we all just finished a puzzle in 51 days and the box said 2 to 4 years!"
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Q: What's do a drummer and a mosqito have in common?
A: They both suck!!!
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"Mom, when I grow up, I want to be a drummer."
His mother scoffs and replies...
"Well, you can't do both."
Jokes found at: http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id18.html
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